Tuesday, December 9, 2008 1:13 PM
Last week was hell. when did i went sheeshaaa with him? sat 6,dec i guess. We had a big fight. to think he said he started to regret being with me and not sure if he still loves me. I was devastated and hurt. How did we fight. I vomitted while sheesha-ing. guess he's not really happy about it when i kept saying i'm ok. He scolded me when i was frustrated because the cat kept chasing me and he scolded me again cause i dropped my hp??? isnt that ridiculous you tell me. I was so fed-up and i showed tantrums. Thats how the big fight started. He almost wanted a break off cause he cant stand it anymore. i cried out loud yes non-stop. I do have that feelings too at time are we meant to be? we always fight and nothing but fight. But i hate it each time he mentioned about girls getting drunk going to clubs and party all night long. It gives me the feeling of "what you are regretting you are with me now cause you cant do all this" and the feeling like I'm not part of him. I know I'm not that pretty then why fall for me in the first place and regret being with me? what games are you playing my dear Muhd Afiz? Still in your playboy mode? I've been feeling it like we have 2 different worlds. The truth that I love him but our ways doesnt seems to be going along. I was totally in despair when i heard it came out from his mouth. I beg i do, never in my life i had beg someone not to leave me. Never. I had problem with my ego but i let it go cause i cant seems to bear to leave him. Its funny each time I'm on a ride with him I have this funny feeling like I cant believe I'm with him now. He's not in the list that I've ever expect to be with and suddenly I met him fall in love and we are together now. Its pretty much unexpected. At times i want to know how he feels, real feelings not that daily dosage he gave me; I love you. I want to know If he really loves me and is it me he wanted to spend the rest of his lives with or pretending to be for life and the next thing is sorry we are not meant to be. I'm lost at times. This feelings keep occuring each time he talked about girls ouh i dated this girl before and ouh i dated that girl few months back. Ouh I'm drunk babe, I wanna partyy. Fuck all these nonsense. If only i don't hear all these anymore cause I got pretty bored especially when you told me you dated these that these that moronic girls. It seems that you havent had enough arent you. I cant do anything, it makes me feel more insecure i wish you know that.
